Clash of the Titans - AKA "Clash of the Suck"

This is going to be a short review because, honestly? There isn't much to talk about. This is battling it out with The Wolfman for lamest movie of the year so far. It's wrong on so many levels that I don't even know where to start. The good thing about this review? I don't have to give a spoiler warning...because there is no plot to spoil. Apparently the director and screenwriters felt that a coherent narrative was a completely optional element of the movie and so, left it out.

Having such a glorious canvas like greek mythology to work with you'd think that putting together a compelling story would be relatively simple. Instead what they opted to do was create the Transformers 2 of myth movies. They went for bigger creatures, faster editing, needless slow-mo action shots (a gold coin skipping on water is interesting why???), and relentlessly paced action scenes where you can't tell who's doing what to who. Half the time I couldn't tell what was happening on screen because they don't really allow you to get your bearings. Complete disregard for the first film is kind of a slap in the face to those of us who look back on the original with fond memories. Yes, it was cheesy, but it was good fun with some really memorable moments and characters, and throwing all of that away while replacing it with nothing positive whatsoever is just insulting. (Those of you who've seen the first and remember the little mechanical owl will be sorely disappointed.)

So now you're saying to yourself, "Well if they didn't have a plot, I bet the special effects were at least awesome, right?" And I'm here to tell you that you'd be wrong. The effects seen on screen are something you'd see in a Sci-Fi Original Movie on a lazy Sunday afternoon and I actually think that the Sci-Fi channel takes more pride in itself and could probably do better. The creature designs aren't terribly compelling, and the CGI work is just plain bad. I don't know if they were trying to pay homage to the stop motion animation of the original flick or what but, in an age when CGI has come so far and become so seamless, to have it look so obviously computer generated is shameful. And the green screen work? What the hell???

Is the acting good? Nope. You can actually see Ralph Fiennes (as Hades) thinking, "God just get me to the Harry Potter set so I can get back to being a real bad guy working with a decent script." And I think that Liam Neeson spends most of the movie phoning it in or looking pissed that he was called off his upcoming "The A-Team" movie for re-shoots. He'd obviously rather be somewhere else.

Lastly is the implied sequel that comes at the end of the movie. The original Clash didn't have a sequel, why does this one need one? Apparently the director has already stated he plans to make at least a trilogy out of this current iteration and you can only ask, "Why??" I mean, if you're not going to bother with plot, coherence, attention to detail, or utilizing your actors, then what's the point???